September 30
From my brain
Contents |
2008
Me 08:02, 30 September 2008 (EDT)
From the Third Shift Monkey:
- It has just come to my attention that the reports backup person SP will not be here either Monday or Tuesday night. And since I will not be here either Monday or Tuesday night, perhaps one of your early shift Reports Development can start them.
- For the record.... no... SP and I do not coordinate nor discuss our vacation time with each other. We do not work in the same department, so it is not needed. Besides I requested these days off on January 1st. I sent Steve an email a week and a half ago notifying him I was going to be off these days, but he just ignored it.
So, UsedCarSalesman has decided that the Project from Hell needs to be pulled off of the Data Warehouse and pulled directly from the system. IMO, that's going to open us up to a host of problems as it will now not tie in with the weekly pulldown. It's only a matter of time before they say, "Why is this different?"
Hopefully today's 4:30 appointment pans out.
Me 20:12, 30 September 2008 (EDT)
- Pro
- More money
- Out of ThePit
- More exposure (kinda ties into the previous pro)
- Closer to home (not that ThePit is that far away
- The previously unknown client is kinda sorta well-known.
- Six paid holidays (from the company, not the client)
- Con
- Contract work: wobbly knees anyone?
- No guarantee of this really becoming "contract to hire"
- Once the contract is up, no guarantee of placement elsewhere
- No paid downtime
- No paid vacations ...Christmas at Dad's this year???
- Health benefits are compensatory, i.e. they're taken out of my hourly pay (~$100 a month)
- No paid downtime...but they try "very hard" in the month or so leading up to the end of the contract to find something
- Contract work: wobbly knees anyone?
I've sent feelers out to RHT and Quick Solutions. We'll see what happens.
2006
Me 11:10, 30, September 2004 (EDT)
Had the talk with Dad this morning. It was...rough.
There really was no way to start it off, but I just had to point blankedly ask, "So, are both of my other two brothers in the wedding?" He said yes they were, and then I opened up with all that's been on my mind. He thought about it for a second, and assured me that it was nothing on purpose, "...and if it had been on purpose, I woulda beat your brother's ass."
I think that's what the whole issue is. If it had been on purpose, I probably wouldn't have even been invited to the wedding. Being that it "probably never even crossed their minds" (as my dad put it), that hurts a bit more. Coming to terms with the fact that I wasn't even as close with my brother as I thought is really hard to deal with.
Dad also put it "My kids are all grown now. I don't meddle with your lives now. You make a bed, you sleep in it. This is something you'll have to talk to J. about."
We're going to go to the wedding. I'm hoping to have a good time. As it stands right now, I'm 50/50 as to the likelihood of that happening. If I'm able to talk to my brother about it at some point in the evening, I will.
Me 23:13, 30, September 2004 (EDT)
So, there's that whole phrase, "You can never go back home." Well, I've ran smack into it this weekend.
I've driven by all the houses I've lived in. They're still there, but none of them were really "home" to me, just kind of temporary houses that we lived in as I grew up. Mom never stayed in one place for very long, so none of them really were that near and dear to me.
My teachers: 80-90% of them have retired. Apparently the district offered a huge retirement incentive a few years back and everyone bit. (Mr. Vogt said they lost something like 12 teachers in one swoop that year -- almost the whole math department POOF!)
Today: Fully locked into the fact that whatever closeness I had with my brothers was in my head.
After last night and this morning, I fully knew that all three of my brothers would be up there, but I would not be. I still decided to go to the wedding, because at this point, it would A) ruin their day, and 2) my father would give me a speach for life that it was disrespectful. So, I went. I honestly thought I could handle it all.
The whole family arrived to the church at once, and as we waited to be seated by my middle brother, I still felt pretty confident. My sister-in-law's brother was the other usher and said, "First row are the parents, second row the siblings and grandparents. Third and back are the remaining family." I felt a bit of pride/honor there. I was gonna sit toward the front and still be quasi included because I'd be sitting with Nana. This was not to be fully so because my ex-stepmother's family took it upon themselves to move up into our row too. Oh well.
As the groomsmen and my brother all came out, I was still okay. My brother looked great in his tux, and my youngest brother did too. Even as I saw all three of my brother's up there (and my sister-in-law's brother up there), I only had a slight pang of pain, but I shrugged off.
The bride came out -- my sister-in-law looked beautiful -- and the service was very nice. Not too religious (I think my brother has only been to church for weddings and funerals to my knowledge), but still a full-christian service (Lutheran). It was after -- during the pictures -- that I started to fall to pieces.
Too much by that time I was feeling like was having to go too far out of my way to state, "Hey, I'm the grooms brother." Was a sort of "Methinks the lady doth protest too much," but instead, "Yes, I heard you tell them too he's your brother." Well, there was no rice-tossing to be had, but there was going to be family pictures in the church which was going to be siblings and grandparents only.
"Yay!" a voice said inside me. "You might not be in the wedding, but you're in the family pictures in the church." A call went up that the Boys (meaning my Dad's sons) should all go up for pictures. I hesitated, got eye-contact with my new sister-in-law, and she kind of bit her lip, pointed at me, and said under her breath, "Wait, not quiet yet for you." No biggie, the wedding party first. I'm cool.
They do the round of pictures, and I'm fine. Grandparents, parents (separated of course, so separate sets). There was a call for the Boys again, and I pick my head up, but I see my ex-stepmother. "Oh, no that's her boys and her. No biggie." Then, Nana gets called up to stand with the boys and Dad.
A picture gets snapped, and my sister-in-law says the key phrase that locked in my whole feelings about the situation, "Wait, we're missing one of the Boys." I went up there all smiles and too my picture, but I started my downward spiral from that point.
You see, being the only (and oldest) son from Dad's first marriage I've always been the outsider. The boys always came first; my stepmother saw to that. Yeah, Dad ran the restaurants and worked long hours, but here was there when they needed him. Could be there for graduations, sporting events, whathaveyou. Me? Dad's working. Stepmother is taking him for a vacation. Dad can't make it. The other boys came first. But, I digress.
We go to the reception and find our tables. I'm not at the table with Dad, Nana, and the aunt's & uncles, but I'm at the second family table. No biggie, at least I'm not at the friends table. I was fine there. One of my uncle's was a that table with my two cousins, so it was all good.
I was up at the bar picking up my second drink, and I look over and see that my sister-in-law and the rest of the wedding party had arrived. By the time the bartender got me my drink, I turned around to see that my newlywed brother was standing there, posing for a picture...with his arms around my other two brothers. You know, that picture. The one of the guy and his brother's on his wedding day. That picture I'm not in.
I was starting to spiral out of control. I disconnected almost completely, zoning back in for the occasional conversation at the table or when the food started to arrive. The food was good I think, but to be honest, I really just ate it because I realized...I needed to go. I knew that I was having less and less fun there, and it was never really going to improve. I kept looking at the wedding table and seeing my three brothers and thought once again...why am I not there?
All of this again boils down to the comment made at the church: "Wait, we're missing one of the Boys." I felt like an afterthought. I wasn't a brother. I was just another relative who happened to come in from out of town. I was the outsider again.
Dinner got cleared away and the dances took place. The cake came out and we had it as the bride and groom came by our table making rounds. They said hi and talked to people at the other tables, bypassed my end, and stood behind the daughter of my uncle's wife (second marriage). She thanked us all for making the trip to spend the day with us.
WTF??? At what point does a brother get downgraded to just being another out-of-town relative and getting a "Hey, thanks for coming!"
I told Wifey that we really needed to go. I wasn't going to hold up much longer, and she said she could tell, and was surprised I did that well as it was. A few more dances took place, and said, "Okay, this is it." I walked up and shook my brother's hand and told him I wasn't feeling well and we were heading out. I gave my new sister-in-law a kiss on the cheek and said the typical goofy, "Take care of him and try to finish straightening him out," sort of line a brother should make, and then we left.
I was not about to talk to him like Dad suggested. This was their reception. The should enjoy it. They're fun shouldn't be hampered by my feelings tonight.
Tomorrow, Chef Brother is flying out early. My brother and sister-in-law aren't going to Nana's for dinner either. As it stands at this moment, we're going to leave too. I'll call Dad mid route and tell him I just need to go back home.
I've lived in Columbus for 13 years now. That's as long as I lived in Medina. This whole time, even once I bought a house, I still talked about going to visit my Dad as, "Going back home."
Home is with my wife and kids now. I'm not sure how to refer to this area other than as just, where I lived growing up.
2004
Me 20:38, 30, September 2004 (EDT)
Zejan's mutanyees are on trial for imitating Michael Jackson
